Antidepressants are not the solution

I would like to share with you my experience with fears, with exaggerated fears and anxieties that accompanied these fears. I would like to give you the courage to appreciate yourself, to see yourself for who you really are, and thus let go of this belief that there are any fears at all and that they can threaten you. I would like to give you the courage to face it.

It's been two years since I allowed myself to stop taking antidepressants. Now that I'm not under their influence, I find that they've made me more emotionally stable than I was before, but that's all. I haven't eliminated the cause. In order to change anything, I first had to admit to myself that everything that arises in my mind, and I tend to believe it, is actually created by me, as I wish it to be. And I was wishing to suffer, I was wishing to be afraid and to be a victim. It was only after this confession that I began to observe these tendencies of my mind and my attempt to grasp these thoughts, but they are not me. By beginning to observe these thoughts, even though they were full of fear and it took a lot of courage to stop and stop running from them, my fears and anxieties were released and I could allow myself to stop taking the medication to see myself as I really am. I am grateful for who I am, I am grateful for what I do. I no longer have the desire to hurt myself and torment myself with these fears because I know that this desire to torment myself is just a habit of being a victim, of not knowing what I want, of not having an intention, of being influenced by something or someone external, without my own intention, without my own vision of what I am creating, of who I am. I have also learned to listen to these fears of mine, but also to various other tendencies such as jealousy, envy, competitiveness, superiority, contempt, and also various resistances. It wasn't until I had the courage to look in the mirror and see who I really am, who I wish I was, and how I was hurting not only myself, but also the people around me, that even though it hurt a lot, that look in the mirror was the first step to start changing that. It was changing with each observation of a thought, a tendency, a resistance, a desire... when I was there for them, when I acknowledged them. I learned that I am addicted to thinking, and that emotions are destructive just because I identify with them, that I am only feeding my ego, which is constantly looking for some dirt to occupy and justify itself - you are not "enough" yet, you have a lot of work to do, Misha. To keep me paralyzed in this rut, the ego has used my fear of the dark to do so.

One day I said to myself, "I'm not going to hide you anymore and reject you, darkness, it's a rejection of myself, of what I don't want to see in myself... I'm wronged, I'm pitiful, I want to manipulate you and have power over you. I'm haughty and arrogant. I'm honest and loving, I'm compassionate and kind. I am courageous and humble. I am all..." Today I am no longer afraid of the darkness, it is a part of me, it gives me depth and humility, I look at it with compassion. I cry with gratitude at how fragile and beautiful I am.

When I see who I am today and how I have created my life by being who I am, I can see how I have hurt myself. Today, I can decide who I am and who I will be because love for myself is love for others.

I am grateful for the depression and anxiety, the feelings of dread that are here with me so that I can realize just that and have a choice. They have given life depth and me responsibility because there is always a choice, you are always responsible for yourself and your choices. You can choose to love, and the only way you can give yourself true love is by allowing yourself to be present with the acceptance of duality. There is nothing else you should do, you don't have to torture yourself anymore. Everything you wanted to find in yourself you have found, now you can love yourself, allow yourself to do so. I wish you to discover your power to create your own reality.

May all beings be happy.

Míša Minaříková

Creator of her own reality